Yandere: A Superficial Manifestation of Love?

Yandere is more involute than we surmise

Is love eternally joyful? Or is it, on the contrary, distressing?

If we think of love merely as a transcendental instinct that can bewitch people’s perceptions with bliss—we might be fallacious. In reality, love can also plunge us into an unimaginable abyss of horror.

Love can be considered a mighty abstract instinct. It can propel humans to do anything, even beyond reason. Even if the actions exceed the limits of sanity. Yes, such love can indeed exist in this world.

An example of this can be discovered in the feelings of love encapsulated in the Yandere archetype. This popular archetype in anime fiction usually delineates female characters with agitated behavior. They manifest their fierce love and affection in eccentric ways.

Even though the love of a Yandere seems overflowing, to the point that they would not hesitate to die for their beloved, is it a form of unselfish love or merely a shallow and frail piece of love?

Defining the Yandere Behavior in Broad Strokes

Love can become an unparalleled potent drive, both in fiction and reality. The characterization of Yandere is created with this fathoming. Perhaps to gauge how far the power of love can emerge and to behold how love can also imprint its influence on the characters.

The term originates from “yanderu” meaning mental or emotional illness, and “deredere” meaning to emanate affection.

This archetype is constantly used to define characters who harbor an overwhelming admiration, dedication, and compassion for their love interest. This later evinces as an obsession and possessiveness that exceeds normal boundaries.

Generally, Yandere becomes so attached to their love interest that the bond cannot be handily damaged. They believe that their love interest is the sole focal point of life that must be safeguarded. Every part of themselves is entrusted and willingly given to the love interest. They tirelessly delve into the deepest recesses of their love interest’s heart to idealize the flawless figure they yearn for.

This is their understanding of striving to create an image that can garner mutual affection.

When we discern a bit, Yandere behavior stands out more when compared to other dere archetypes. They are ordinarily illustrated with behaviors that are lovesick, emotionally unstable, dependent on their love interest, loaded with vengeance, two-faced, with ungovernable impulses, lunatic, staunch devotion, intense attachment, loyal, lacking healthy compassion, and excessive protection.

These traits can emerge differently depending on their own past experiences. This creates a causal relationship.

The Fragile and Easily Shaken Foundation of Authoritarian Love

It might not be an exaggeration to utter this, but one small poke is enough to crumble the love foundation they have built.

Like a support pillar filled with cracks, that's how the foundation of Yandere’s love can be described. Even if outwardly their love appears intense and delightful, it is virtually a shallow and authoritarian feeling.

Their love is built on a master-slave relationship foundation. Driven by dread. They objectify their love interest, reputing their personal boundaries under the guise of noble protection and care. In reality, this is driven by fear of loss and neglect.

As if their love interest is an exotic bird that must be tightly caged to prevent it from flying away.

Rather than embracing and walking side by side, Yandere tends to grasp and bridle their love interest—even if outwardly they often act submissive.

This greatly increases the likelihood of them being confined in a vicious cycle of sadomasochistic power play. When their love interest feels suffocated and begins to rebel, they both exert to govern each other and demand their own desires. Because of this, they end up struggling to seize each other’s freedom without ever fully achieving the desires they long for.

They resemble a snafu conflict without an end, filled with mutual demands.

Chronic Emptiness Sparking the Search for Love

“Chronic emptiness” is quite tough to define concretely. It is not the same as dejection, disgust, or resentment, but can feel similar to all three. Internally, Yandere feels vacant, both emotionally, spiritually, and in terms of love and human relationships.

Moreover, they lack identity, as nothing defines them as themselves. They are drowned in unwanted indifference. Nothing satisfies them. Nothing can capture their interest or attention. Their hearts are callous and numb, and possibly isolated. There is even a belief that they are remote from being human.

Chronic emptiness is experienced as a feeling of disconnection both with themselves and others. As well as a feeling of numbness and emptiness that often occurs with reduced functional capacity. This manifests as a sense of having no purpose and satisfaction closely related to emptiness. Most of them feel this emptiness as something troubling.

Behind the facade of care and affection that Yandere displays, there is a gaping hole in their hearts. A hole they cannot mend on their own. They are shackled in that painful lonesomeness. That is why they stagger outward to find something that can fill the emptiness.

Yes, that something is love. If they are powerless to fight alone, then the only way is to lean on an external party, right?

So to cope with the unpleasant feelings, they use impulsive strategies or divert attention by adopting adaptive behaviors to locate love.

Once they find their love target, they consistently pour out massive amounts of affection. This is done to solidify the bond and create a positive impression that indirectly can cover the emptiness within them.

Deep Fear of Being Abandoned

“I might as well be dead, but you gave me a future. Yukki is my hope in life, but if that doesn’t come true then I will die for Yukki, and even in death, I will chase Yukki.”
- Yuno Gasai, Miraii Nikki.

For Yandere, the feeling of being abandoned is a nightmare. That fear seems to be ingrained in their soul. Especially if they have already built a close bond with their love interest. Being abandoned is something that should not happen.

In interpersonal relationship dynamics, Yandere characters find it hard to trust, feel inferior, and drown in paranoid suspicion. They repeatedly seek confirmation of the love and attention they give. When they feel that the relationship is threatened, they can react emotionally and impulsively.

There is always a burning anxiety and obsession towards the person they love.

Usually, they have had dark experiences in the past. For instance, the loss of a source of affection, their presence constantly ignored, the experience of helplessness standing alone, never receiving self-esteem, and emotional abuse. These are the things that trigger them to develop a deep fear of losing the person beside them.

This fear incites possessive and obsessive behaviors. They lock their love interest away to prevent them from falling into anyone else’s hands. They become highly protective, even to the point of unhealthy extremes. They always engage in extreme actions to maintain the purity of their relationship.

For example, restricting their love interest’s freedom, threatening self-harm, and monitoring every detail of their life. They might even use violence to eliminate individuals deemed as interfering with the relationship.

In their minds, the validation of feeling that losing a loved one is equivalent to losing oneself is present. It is like the beautiful world they built must collapse when someone leaves.

Impulsive Behavior that Undermines the Essence of Healthy Love

When expressing love, Yandere often behaves excessively. Especially when their love interest does something that they perceive as betraying their intimate bond of love.

There are many Yandere characters who display this impulsive behavior. However, to keep it brief, let’s look at this example: the character Satou Matsuzaka from the series Happy Sugar Life.

Due to traumatic past experiences, young Satou grew up without love and compassion. Throughout her life, she developed a borderline personality. She masked her vulnerable side with a positive self-image while obsessively searching for the meaning of love that could remove the emptiness in her heart. Until one day, her efforts bore a fruitfulness. Shio, her obsessive love interest this time—a young girl whom she kidnapped because she made Satou fall in love.

Satou desired a close bond with Shio and saw the outside world as a potential threat to their relationship. Therefore, she imprisoned Shio in her own apartment and refused to let Shio leave the apartment, denying that her actions were criminal.

There is care blossoming within Satou for Shio. She is willing to sacrifice herself and harm those deemed as threatening their relationship. She even selflessly dedicates most of her meager salary to Shio instead of taking care of herself.

She idealizes a life that only contains purity and sweetness. When she first met Shio, she felt an instinctual right to own Shio. She believed that Shio was created entirely for her.

We can understand that this happened due to her past. Her heart was barren of love. Thus, when love was finally attained, she would go to great lengths to protect it to avoid feeling loss again.

Satou’s love also resembles idol worship mixed with personal attachment. The love she feels is mostly for her own satisfaction. Even though she somewhat wants the best for Shio. Satou keeps Shio because, in her twisted mind, this is the best place for the child. This is attachment and idealization. Shio is a faultless being, like a god or angel—in Satou’s mind. With such a view, it is no wonder she tries so hard to protect their life together.

From this case, we can conclude that there is an unhealthy impression of their love. Love that should bring comfort and serenity instead alters into greed and decadent personal egoism.

Lessons to Be Drawn from This

Yandere is quite a complex matter. Indeed, they appear terrifying, and often there is a notion that they are loathful. However, we should believe there is a causal law that gives rise to the typical Yandere behavior. We do not justify their actions, but we do not want to condemn and vilify them either.

Someone like that actually needs help, not condemnation. In reality, such love patterns can also exist. At the extreme stage, individuals with borderline personality disorder may develop behaviors resembling Yandere. Although this does not involve mutual killing.

Perhaps from Yandere, we can learn that something exceeding normal limits is inappropriate. It’s like directing a water flow to a canal with appropriate volume; it will support the surrounding village’s life. However, when we brutally release an excessive amount of water, the village will be chaotic, flooded.

From them, we also learn not to love someone first if self-love is not yet fully built. It is better to rectify ourselves before entering someone else’s life.

Then, love moderately and not too clung. In many Chinese literature and ancient philosophy, attachment is the source of agony. Balanced attachment is healthy. Because, if those we love vanish, there will be no suffering so excruciating.

June 2024